The Journey Within

I actually wrote this way back in the beginning of the year but just found it in a folder and thought that I should post it now...(I have gone through it though and added a few bits here and there) it’s written from a different perspective than I am in now but I still agree with it, just nowadays I’m coming from a slightly different place... my own expression is always evolving and transforming...

Life can truly be a wonderful experience. Having been consciously on a spiritual path for the last 7 years I have experienced many highs and many lows in their extremes. I have experienced moments of complete despair and also moments of absolute bliss, but I don’t see one experience as being better than the other because I am aware that they both serve an important purpose. In truth, going through the highs and lows is all a part of life and a part of the most natural process in the world.

I go through phases where I feel an almost uncontrollable excitement, feelings of absolute bliss, awareness, deep understanding, when everything feels easy and light, moments of absolute peace and contentment, even if I were surrounded by chaos or distractions I would not feel chaotic or distracted I would only feel clear, moments of intense inspiration and where it feels like I’m seeing my world with new eyes & where my entire body feels alive and I'm able to feel every cell in my body vibrate, being reactivated with new life and this makes it feel as though I’m radiating the most pure and beautiful energy and where I feel completely conscious and present in my here and now... it’s hard to try to describe this feeling with words but the best way to describe this would be to say it’s like feeling high on drugs without having taken drugs, it’s a natural high. I would be lying if I said I didn’t love and cherish these moments but I have learned that these are not moments to live for, I see them as just little bonuses we receive when we open ourselves up.

When we can tap into our unconscious mind and connect with our higher selves we begin to experience different levels of consciousness. When we go through the experience of a high that is when our natural energy is activated in its full glory. Whenever I experience this natural high I feel limitless.

At the start of my journey I remember the first time I experienced this state of mind (it was about maybe a few months after I had learned how to meditate), I actually thought I had reached enlightenment and that I knew it all, that I had reached the mind of understanding.

How arrogant and egotistical I was, luckily I outgrew that stage but it did take me a while to learn and have the awareness that there is no endpoint, there is nowhere to arrive at and that in truth I know nothing. It’s almost embarrassing to think of the way I was because I genuinely believed that I knew better than anyone else and even went through a period of believing that I was special, that I had reached a point that no one else had. Oh dear even reflecting on this is making me cringe and making me want to pretend I never went through that, but then I would be lying and I believe in truth and sharing my journey in the most honest way possible and plus I guess now I actually do find it genuinely hilarious!

Because even that experience I went through is an absolutely natural part of the journey & I believe many of us go through the same thing. But I do genuinely find it funny to think of myself as believing I was enlightened because now I feel I couldn’t ever truly know anything, I feel I know less than I have ever known, and it’s great because it only opens the doors to endless possibility.

In the very beginning these highs would last for a few days, sometimes longer and then I would crash, tumble and fall and it felt like I had gone backwards. There would be a huge gap before I would feel that high again. I would try to hold on to these mental states not being aware at the time that nothing stays the same, the process of self-discovery is a continuous one and that by trying to hold on to one particular state of mind all I was really doing was creating a restriction where I actually blocked myself from progressing.

The intensity never stays the same...it is impossible to be able to sustain that same intensity at all times, it will change & transform. We get these periods of feeling exhilarated, joyful & unstoppable so that we begin to see what we are truly capable of, but after a while this energy dies down, it’s not that it’s gone away but rather we have gotten used to it so it no longer feels as strong.

After a process of advancement, excitement, exhilaration we hit a plateau...These plateaus are the periods that can feel dark and it’s only because we are holding on to the high, we can’t allow ourselves to feel restless or anxious during these periods. We need to instead learn how to go with the flow and allow things to fall into place when they are ready to because if we push when we’re not supposed to we only create tension.

The first three years were the hardest for me but eventually things became easier and now I’ve reached the awareness that when I experience these highs I allow myself to go through them without much thought, I go through them calmly and have become aware that these are just moments of great inspiration where I can explore new ideas. The difference with me now and then is that now when I experience these highs I don’t purely act out on every idea that comes to me, I wait it out and see where it takes me once the intensity has worn off. I will share with you all more about the beginning of my journey and what it was like for me, where I had come from and the things I had to overcome but at later time, not now. Right now I just feel like getting these current thoughts out of my head.

The last thing I want to mention and that I feel is so important is that whenever you are going through a natural high to remember to keep yourself grounded, and one way to do so is to breathe in that energy you are feeling through your centre/belly button. This is so important because then you are able to harness this energy in an incredibly productive way, things feel even more incredible but you don’t feel that out-of-control excitement & instead you use it to open yourself up more, because for me during this time my mind becomes so inspired that I fill up with so many different ideas and understandings and I feel there is so much information coming at me all at once.

So when I am able to harness these energies within myself, without resisting everything stays in absolute balance, everything slows down and I am able to truly process and feel everything I’m experiencing with a different kind of awareness and when I am here that is when everything feels blissful but without the excitement, it becomes more of a physical body experience where I feel my natural energy charged up/activated.

This is when I feel new life flowing into me, we must go through these natural highs in a relaxed manner so that we are able to harness that energy into our bodies because this will restore ourselves and create a stronger healthier self. The same also goes when we go through the darker periods, don’t see anything as causing you harm but instead as giving you strength to grow in new ways, these are the moments of releasing our fears, our doubts and of letting go and once this stage has passed we experience the cycle all over again.

The more we repeat this cycle and are conscious of it, we feel freer and more and more open... we stop being affected by things in negative ways, & with each cycle our heart and mind grows in depth and becoming aware of this process helps us move forward in life with a peaceful heart and a clear mind.

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted something here; so long in fact I hardly know where to begin! I’ve been reflecting a lot on the journey I’ve been on for the last 7 years, remembering what I was like when I first began this inwards journey to my true self...it’s actually pretty hard to remember because the way I was then feels a billion light years away from who I am today...and realised that I haven’t shared that part of my journey with you lovely people and I feel that it is about time I do so. It’s going to take me a while to get all of my thoughts together though but as they do I will be posting more bits and pieces of my journey. I’m also in the process of recreating this site, so there will be a lot of new things coming, the direction of this site has also evolved and you can read the new about here.

A new day, a new intensity... I feel so many new energies today, it is truly remarkable, I feel I am in a continuous state of learning and seeing with new eyes, it feels as though with each breath I take, more and more life is flowing into me and also with each breath I take new awareness is gained along with deeper understanding...when walking this path we must stand tall yet keep our heads down and come from below.

I’m finally writing again and my writing is leading me to places, that constant flow is back where it feels like your hand takes over and all you see are visions as though you are living everything your hand is writing, this is one aspect of the journey that I truly love, I love when my creativity feels open and where everything I do feels guided and feels so clear...those moments where you are just truly flowing.... I love when my writing leads me to new understanding, I love it when the desire to write becomes a need where it doesn’t matter wherever you are or whatever you are doing that you have to find a piece of paper just so you can write whatever is coming through to you... I cherish these times because these are the times of growth & transformation and I have a new found respect for this stage in the cycle of transformation because up until a month ago I haven’t been in this sate of mind since almost a year before that.

So I guess what I have truly learned from all of this is to cherish each moment, to respect every state of mind, even the ones I may not necessarily feel like loving because everything is a part of everything and everything we experience leads us to the next experience we need to have, life is all about the good and the bad, life will never be without pain but our perception of pain can change and with this everything transforms and you see how it is all about how we deal with things that matter.

What amazing times I am in... I feel that I am gaining so many new understandings of so many different things after an incredibly long period of feeling like I was in the dark. Everything has evolved and feels so much simpler. I feel a new power, I feel like a whole new person... I feel that I am finally having my own understandings when it comes to the mind and I feel I can see so clearly now and it feels so evident that what needs to happen in this world is for people to truly begin to understand their own mind, with the state of the world at the moment it is paramount that we begin this journey to truth, to understand our true nature. Our mind truly is the key, all that we need lies within us, it is our responsibility to go beyond the limitations of our conscious mind and open up to all the wisdom and knowledge that lies within our very own unconscious mind.

By going on this journey, you come face to face with your very own spirit, your very own divine nature, and the energy of this is your natural responsibility to harness, we all harness this energy naturally yet for the most of us, this energy is suppressed due to the state of our conscious minds & our ability to self protect, but when we experience things that create a negative response within us, even if on a conscious level it is suppressed and may seem “out of sight, out of mind” our unconscious mind does not like this & reacts to this by creating tensions within our own bodies and subsequently blocking the flow of this energy but when we begin to clear our conscious minds our natural energy, our divine nature becomes more obvious and this energy is able to flow freely throughout our bodies & bringing more life with it.

It is important to learn how to communicate with our minds. When working with our minds it is a give and take relationship, our unconscious mind guides us and knows more than our conscious mind, we are responsible to communicate strength, power, & love to our conscious mind and it will respond accordingly, we must begin to learn how to harness the energies of our unconscious mind which I view as spirit but you can also just call it universal energy whichever feels more comfortable to you, I say this because when I first began this journey I wouldn’t have felt comfortable with the word spirit but I’ve changed and now I do but back to what I was saying we need to learn how to harness these energies so that we can heal ourselves, so that we can reach our full potential, the possibilities of what we are truly capable of are endless and learning to harness these energies will transform your world on all levels. As you continue this journey of exploring your mind You eventually learn & understand how to overcome any difficulties at hand just by being able to communicate with your very own mind.

It really is as simple as telling our minds what to do, it just doesn’t feel that way because in the beginning it takes a while to feel this connection, to make it fluid due to the fact that our conscious minds are filled with so much clutter but once we begin to feel the connection there’s no turning back and we would not want to anyways because we begin to feel more and more alive and instead we want more life...it feels mysterious at first but once the veil has been lifted the sense of mystery changes form and becomes the most normal thing in the world!

But of course there will always be a sense of mystery because it is impossible to ever truly gain absolute understanding of our unconscious mind because it is infinite, the more we are able to open ourselves up and let go of limitations our understanding reaches new depths but our conscious minds will always be a step behind our unconscious because our conscious mind is purely dependant on the development from our unconscious mind, the more we open up to our unconscious mind and make it conscious, the more we see & understand but there will always be more to open up to and that to me is wonderful because we never stop learning or growing, once we think we know it all, we truly know nothing because there will always be more to discover and there will always be greater depths in which we can explore.

Life is simple and it is meant to be that way, the only complications exist because we create them and since we can create them we can also get rid of them and this journey really is about getting rid of the complications in our lives so that we can see clearly and live simply without creating chaos within ourselves.

For me this journey is truly about being completely alive and present in our world but without losing who I am in the slightest, being in the world but not of the world, always staying true to myself and following the path of my heart without chaos erupting all around me and by understanding my emotions and the key word here is understanding, it’s not about controlling our emotions but understanding them, to allow ourselves to feel exactly the way we feel in each moment but not in a blind and reactive way instead feel with the clarity of our minds in unison with our hearts, & from this state everything feels true & right no matter what it may be.

We are little, we are small, we are insignificant in the grand scheme of things and this should inspire us to shine our own light as brightly as we can...to bring our own light out...the more people who bring out their own inner light will create a better and more positive world...it is our own inner light that allows us to bring forth true change, if we all became true to ourselves and followed what it is that feels the most right to us as long as it is a positive thing will create a positive impact in our world no matter what, if we all became our own shining torches we would begin to wipe out any darkness that exists in our world.

We are little (I am really enjoying this word at the moment) so that we can be free to be who we truly are, only an ego sees being little as weak and instead chooses to see themselves in the world where they are the only light. The little see the importance of being many individual lights yet a part of a greater whole, an even greater light once all individual lights come together, it is the little who makes up the masses. The ego is on a very lonely journey but the part of humanity who transcends their ego and doesn’t allow it to be their guide are the ones who are lucky enough to have a true sense of liberation.

Seeing we are little makes it easy to be ourselves because in reality no one cares, no one else is living your life, only you can do that so there is never any point to be anyone but yourself to not be bothered even slightly by others who feel differently than you. You just always have to let your own light shine forth no matter what. As individuals we are the only ones who can live our lives and the only ones who can truly know what is right for ourselves. It is easy for people to judge each other but we should always just remember that what people see is only a tiny fraction of the reality they perceive you in, therefore whatever anyone may assume doesn’t matter because they are only seeing a tiny fraction of who you are...they may see you one way one day, and in an entirely new way another day. we can always hope that others will understand us but it is not something we should ever expect of others and it is definitely not something that should ever stop us from being who we are. Sometimes it’s just about giving people a chance to see you in a new light & then all you have to be is patient but most importantly just to keep going forward in whatever way feels right for you.

I speak about this a lot, but I believe it is such an important issue because I get emails from people all over the world sharing with me the fears they have to be true to themselves because they are worried about what someone else may think of them, I really believe this is one behaviour that we all experience at one time or another & it is one of the most debilitating ones, this way of being really does block us from reaching our full potential, this tiny fear becomes huge completely blocking us from truly allowing our own light to shine. I’m no different than anyone else, I also have moments where I find this very same thing a challenge but I know that it doesn’t matter and I always get past those thoughts.

We should never feel any shame in allowing our own light, our own true selves to shine. We should never allow anyone to bully us & no one has the right to stop anyone from speaking their own truth.

Creativity is so important to me, and what I’ve just realised is that for the last year I haven’t felt creative, and that is what’s changing again...I see myself in a new light and I see so clearly how everything I have ever done is through being inspired to create and now I feel it is coming back to me, I wasn’t even aware that I had lost my creativity until recently, I didn’t stress out about it whatsoever I just continued moving forward but now it’s coming back and I see how important it is for me to be in a place that nurtures my creativity, I need an environment where I’m free to do things my way and I’m so blessed to have that. My life feels great. I feel at home, I genuinely do. I’m becoming more and more who I’m meant to be.

When we are confident in who we are and truly trust ourselves, we come to a place of real liberation where we are truly able to create and bring out what is within us. I believe we are set on this earth to create, to create our very own masterpiece in whatever way that may be. To me life is art...it’s a living breathing art...our entire existence is based on art...we are all artists in our soul... I like to see my own life representing as an unfinished piece of art...my own journey & my own experiences create my own original piece...my life is my art... the way I live my life out in our world is just a tiny reflection of my own inner world.

We all create...everything we do is about creation...we are constantly creating...we are creating ideas, thoughts, expressions, behaviours & even life, everything we create from within eventually is created out into our world... The most important thing for me and I believe for all of us is to never allow anyone to dampen our own light; no one has the power to do so unless we allow it.

Be free in your mind and begin to create your own masterpiece, just begin, it doesn’t matter what it is, but whatever it is I guarantee that it will touch someone’s heart. The most important thing is to just do it...without any fear of not succeeding....without any expectations held on to too tightly but just freely & openly with the passion of your heart & soul...if you do this you will always succeed...just express your ideas...allow your true self to shine & be heard...when you are doing things with good intentions you can never be wrong.

(this was an old "about" but decided to post it here just because it I liked it, and it really sums me up personally, it wasn't really about the site anyways, it was more about me and where I was at the time..)

I’m just an ordinary person who wants to create a positive impact on the world. I believe that everything begins with an idea, and when we have an idea the first thing we need to do is express it, otherwise there will never be a chance to turn it into reality, we have to bring what is within us out into our world and I guess that is what I’m trying to do through this site.. I think it’s important for all of us to express ourselves, expressing ourselves is a form of creating and I believe it is our purpose here on earth to create, to create our own expression, to express our true selves.

I want this site to be an expression of all the good in the world, not ignoring the fact that there are problems but to show that we can overcome them through peaceful means which is the only way to create everlasting change.

I believe in a world of peace and understanding wholeheartedly and to create this change in our world we need to have an open heart & an open mind. There is no other way.

This site will always be a work in progress but I hope for it to be a place of hope & inspiration and a place that expresses my belief that we can live in a world where we all see each other as one human race, everyone a part of the same human family and create a world where we respect each other and ourselves.

A world that isn’t filled with racism, hatred, insecurities & fears but instead a world that is filled with love, peace and inspiration. I know that this is not an easy task and to some may seem unrealistic but for me it’s an ideal that is worth striving for.

I hope for this site to be a place where we can celebrate everyone’s journey even when our beliefs may be different. As long as it is a positive experience & one in which doesn’t intentionally hurt another, it can only be a good thing. We don’t have to agree with everyone on everything but we do need to accept our differences and see beyond them, to see that we are all a part of the human race and interconnected.

The Open Mind is about understanding.

Every single person on this earth has a unique purpose to fulfil. In life there are many different paths and I don’t believe one is better than the other; each one is beautiful as long as it is a path that allows us to grow as a better person.

If we all want to be individual and we all want to be free, why would we ever expect to agree on everything? There is no reason to fear those who are different from us and it’s ok to disagree.

We can live as one human race with many different beliefs if we just allow ourselves to be open to each other to see each other as individuals who we can learn from because we all have something of extraordinary value within us.

We have to accept and celebrate our differences. Once we are able to do this we begin to build bridges of peace, understanding and tolerance.

The Open Mind is about freedom.

Everyone has a natural right to be free and to experience the freedom to be who we are truly meant to be without fear or restrictions. When we have this freedom, it allows us to truly create what we are meant to create in our world. We all have something of extraordinary value to contribute to society and we can achieve anything. The possibilities are endless when we have the most basic freedom to just be ourselves, but to be worthy of our own freedoms we have to first be prepared to grant other people theirs.

There are many things in our lives that try to hinder us from our own freedom both on an external level and an internal level.

Externally we have wars, occupations, fascism, racism & many levels of suffering created by others.

Internally we block ourselves from our own freedom when our minds are consumed with negative thoughts and feelings, such as anger, self-doubt, fear, guilt, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, hopelessness & when we lack self-love and a love for others, & when we lack understanding of our true self.

When we live in an environment like this our natural energy becomes suppressed and we are unable to truly live up to our true potential but we can change this & the more we persevere through all of challenges we come face to face with on our journey in life and move forward with not only the belief that things can be different but to also begin to act in making these changes happen.

The Open Mind is about change.

Creating change internally... within ourselves & creating change externally... in the world. I believe it is our purpose in life to create change and in order to do this we need to have an open mind & to be able to do so peacefully we have to have an open heart.

We do have the power within ourselves to overcome and persevere through whatever obstacles and challenges we face on all levels in our life & create change & to make freedom, peace and real justice a reality for ourselves and others. It’s just about acting, it doesn’t matter what you do whether you begin by taking stands on issues that you find unjust, or that you begin by creating change in yourself, whatever it is we do in life will always have an impact on our world and as long as our intentions are good and coming from a pure place the impact we create will be a positive one.

The Open Mind is about love.

When we act on things in our life our intention should always be coming from a place of purity, a place of love because this will help us grow as a person and guides us forward in a positive way.

Love is the one thing that connects us all to each other. When we feel love, it strengthens and heals us and gives us courage to overcome anything that may come our way.

“Love is not blind; it simply enables one to see things others fail to see.”

Current understanding...

I’m at this incredible stage where it feels like a new life is starting... In a way I have been feeling like I need to find myself again. I feel like I’m seeing a whole new part of myself and the only way I can experience this is to change the path I’ve been on just slightly, more like realigning myself and shifting myself into a new direction...

For the past 18 months I have been applying everything that I have learned internally externally as a way of bringing the spiritual/divine energies out into my physical world.

5 years ago my focus was on the opposite; back then my focus was purely on going within so that I could connect with my higher self. My higher self is what I consider my own truth, it is who I am in my purest state...it’s my potential and my inspiration. Before this, I hid from my own depth, I was afraid to face my own truth so I consumed myself purely in the superficial physical world in its extremes.

At the time my goal was to create a blank canvas so that I could find out who the person I was free from external influence. I guess you could say I went on a three year retreat. I learned how to meditate & and began to develop my own healing abilities but the most important aspect I discovered was the power of my own breath to help me reach higher levels of consciousness. I wanted to understand the mind body spirit connection.

When I first began learning about myself I detached from everyday life, I wanted to do things completely opposite of the way I had been doing things. It’s a completely different experience going purely within & I love that I had the opportunity in my life to do so. My focus was on the mystical sides of life- of opening up to the divine energies. I wasn’t focused at the time on applying the principles to my physical reality.

Our mind wants us to be healthy, our mind is pure, our mind is always in a state of fluidity, an energy that flows freely from the spiritual into the physical, it’s our conduit, and it will always guide us into the right direction. I believe true freedom comes when we understand ourselves and connect with our own truth, when we are living at our fullest energy & to do this we have to clear all the tensions that have built up in our bodies.

When we open up, issues begin to surface, suppressed emotions show themselves, the more tensions we release the better we begin to feel, this is a process that never ends, we are constantly opening up and adjusting ourselves accordingly, and the wonderful thing is we never face anything that we don’t want to face, when we are ready we will know and things transform themselves.

During this time I discovered that the only thing that was keeping me from experiencing higher levels of consciousness was my own lack of understanding of myself, my emotions, my memories and my own behaviour. I was extremely anxious all of the time, filled with fear, uncertainty, and had never experienced a moment of true relaxation.

The biggest hindrance I faced which was blocking me from connecting to my higher self were the negative experiences from my past & the emotions I suppressed related to them. When we suppress feelings they don’t go away, they instead place themselves in our physical bodies as tension. When our bodies are tense everything in our reality can feel stressful, complicated and difficult. I could easily talk about all my traumatic experiences as if I were reading a script but I had no connection to it, there were no feelings involved. I had put aside so much pain which I had never allowed myself to truly feel, instead I detached and pushed aside all the horrible feelings believing that if I put on a smiley face and think positive that it’ll just go away. It was my way of protecting myself against the pain. I didn’t have the awareness that instead all I was doing was building up more and more tensions in my body.

Now I have gained the awareness & understanding that when we have traumatic events happen to us in our lives, it is the shock that affects us, not the actual experience. When we experience shock our bodies tense up preventing us from feeling pain, it is that moment when we detach from our true feelings which can be great for coping in the short term but in the long term it may become our own hindrances in living up to our truest potential. I look at it this way, as we breathe we inhale and exhale and with tensions I view them as a trapped breath, a breath without an exhale. Now I see tensions as my own little alarm clock, it is my higher self trying to get me to take notice.

The journey I went on felt very painful at times because I chose to come face to face with many uncomfortable memories and the suppressed feelings attached to them, it felt like I was going through them for the first time and I’ll be honest it wasn’t easy, it was extremely hard but as soon as I was able to feel it fully, I was able to let it go.

Before I was too afraid to face my truths because they hurt but the thing is its ok, we all have a past, we all carry scars & our past experiences shape who we are, but the difference between me then and now is that I no longer define myself by my past, it no longer controls me, now I define myself by who I am in the here and now. Once we can face our pasts truthfully & openly we gain an understanding and with understanding everything negative fades away...

It wasn’t only my suppressed emotions that were creating tensions & hindering me from connecting to my higher self, it was also my own behaviour and thought processes which created other tensions in my body.

When I first truly began this journey of self-discovery and by that I mean when I made the choice to want to understand myself and to learn about my own true nature, it wasn’t only my past that was dark but also my present, I focused on all the negative things in this world, everything felt sort of hopeless, I definitely didn’t believe in myself and I consumed myself with negative thoughts based around my fears, worries & insecurities which only revolved in an endless circle, repeating themselves over and over without anywhere to go. By being this way I created such a negative environment for myself and created even more tensions in my body but since I didn’t understand what I was doing to myself, it only kept becoming worse and worse, negativity breeds more negativity & I was spiralling downhill into a dark abyss without any hope in sight.

But once I began to study & observe my thoughts and my own behaviour openly, freely & truthfully I gained an understanding of how they affected me and saw how I could change and how I didn’t need to be that way anymore, all I needed to do was change the way I saw myself and this wasn’t easy either but I was determined, I was aware that I created my own reality and if I was able to create such a dark reality then of course I could create the opposite, a reality where I was happy, confident and at peace. Once I reached this awareness I was able to let go of my negative thoughts and behaviours in order to clear the way for new positive ones although it did take a lot of time, persistence and patience but eventually I got there.

Another aspect that plays a huge role in my journey is my breath. I began paying attention to my own breath and I discovered that most of the time I was holding my breath, which is yet another way I was creating tension, I focused on making my breath deeper and deeper, it used to be incredibly shallow and as my breath became stronger I became incredibly tuned in to my own body. I used my breath to focus and relax every part of my body and as I progressed I began to be able to heal tensions and open myself up to whatever it was causing it, my own breath became a guide. Our breath is what gives us life and one of the most important things we can do is begin to pay attention to it, it is my breath that brings new energy into my being and I want my body to feel at its fullest energy at all times.

The more tensions I released my entire existence began to transform. The more I let go the more I felt I could tap into higher levels of consciousness. Each time I opened up I felt my connection to the divine energies become stronger and much clearer.

And through this connection I gained deeper awareness of myself and my surroundings, I began to see a whole new world, an existence based on love and all of the positive qualities of life instead of a world based on hate & anger. This connection creates a peaceful state of mind and when I’m in this state of mind I don’t need to question everything instead every thought becomes a fluid action, there is no doubt, everything feels certain yet at the same time understanding that everything in life is uncertain, everything becomes simple.

In the beginning the times when I felt this connection were few and far between, months could pass before I felt the same strong connection, I would go on an extreme high then an extreme low fearing each time that I would never feel that same connection but that is something that I eventually learned could never happen.

Once you begin the process of opening up and letting go it is absolutely natural to feel the way I did because it will always feel so intense at first but then it may feel like the intensity fades away, and then you may feel like you went backwards but you are not, you gained a glimpse of how your life can be & how you can feel and it is up to you to make the necessary changes within yourself in order to experience everything more fully so that you can truly live up to your own potential.

As I continued my journey I reached a point where I felt divided, I had my spiritual reality and then had my physical reality, I was trapped in a false sense of duality & I had to still learn how to merge the two together and see these two realities as one whole and this took a lot of time, and most importantly a lot of patience.

One of the things that happen when you embark on this type of journey is that your values in life change and mine changed drastically and everything I did had to be in accordance to these new set of values, if they weren’t I felt I was going against my own true nature and to do so in my opinion would be spiritual suicide.

After about three years I reached a point where I needed to change my direction, the environment I was in no longer useful. When I look back now I see that period as me focusing on the mental aspects of my being, the masculine element of myself and it became the time for me to open up more to the feminine aspect of my being, my heart. It is through our heart that we truly bring the spiritual into our physical reality. The wonderful thing was that throughout those years I was already opening up my heart, I saw the divine as absolute purity but what I didn’t understand at the time was that that same purity is what I now see as unconditional love, I just didn’t have the awareness of it but once I did gain that awareness everything and I mean everything transformed itself, the gaps I felt I had in my understanding began to be filled and a new simplicity of the way I viewed myself and the world was formed.

I felt it was time to have some new experiences and I just wanted to see the world as the new person I felt I had become, I needed a break, I just wanted to live a little, freely, openly and see what experiences would come my way, it had been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember to just see the world and to meet all the incredible people in it and it was time for me to turn that dream into a reality.

After 18 months of travelling which brought me to Jordan not once but twice, Palestine, South Africa, France and now Sweden I have gained the understanding of where I truly want to be in life and now I feel the need to stay put for a little bit so that I can allow some of my ideas to form and grow into what they are meant to be so that I can fulfil another dream that I have. It’s time for me to develop another aspect of myself that in some ways has been neglected.

Coming to Sweden has been so good for me...I definitely needed this time to de-clutter and be away from the internet... This trip has been about me making decisions and allowed me to see where I want to be and I feel the best when my life is revolved more around my inner world than it has been... I see now so clearly where I want to be and I see everything I need to do to create this new dream for myself... I feel like building something new for myself and the only way to do that is to create a new environment because to live the life I want to I have to create change and the only way I can create change is if I change my environment. It feels like I’m seeing things in a whole new way, with such clarity and certainty, I have found my way again...