Human Moments...
Human Connections

When I first met Belinda the first thing I asked her was what is love...and she told me “I don't know anything about love, I have never experienced love, I have never loved anyone and there has never been a man that loved me, sometimes I think there is something wrong with me but I have never felt love but of course I do love my children.“ and even though that is what she felt, it’s not what I saw, I saw her as pure love...I could see all the love that she has within her. She says that I taught her about love but I feel that she is the one who taught me about love. I feel that she has made me a better person. Everything she does is an act of love.

For instance one thing that She did and that I will never forget was a couple of weeks earlier i was sitting with her at her house and first I have to say Belinda is a woman who doesn’t have it easy right now, she struggles with money and most of the time doesn’t even have money for food but this one day we were sitting in her room and talking about love and one of t he things they were saying is that sharing is an act of love and this day was one of those days where she didn’t have any food but one of her friends had brought her two pieces of chicken, a carrot and some cabbage and instead of first thinking about herself it was all about her wanting to feed me, she didn’t want me to leave her house without my belly full. It was probably one of the nicest things any one has ever done for me and it made me so emotional, I was beyond moved and touched by her act of love.

This was filmed at Nandipha & Tilden’s house (my South African mom & dad) and it was me saying my see you later’s just this past weekend and I felt like catching the memories on film. It was an emotional day for me because I had already grown so close to all of them, Tilden is Belinda’s brother and Nandipha her sister-in-law and they just also happen to be Audrey’s parents. I really love all of them so much. They all made me feel so at home, they showed me pure love.

“... If you grew up in a hard way.... you mustn't grudge people. Forgive those who have raped you or abandoned you...You must be strong...you mustn’t have revenge...you mustn’t be like me...learn from me...you must forgive”

Belinda is filled with such pure compassion and she truly is an inspiration, the connection that we shared has changed me & and being around her really made me feel things that I previously maybe just pushed aside...she made me be able to face my own truth, because her words reflected them, I actually feel like she healed something in me that I didn’t even know needed to be healed until it was. She is pure compassion... I believe the world would be a much better place if we could all learn to let go of our pasts, to not have our pasts control us. Hearing Belinda speak brought tears to my eyes because I understand, I have been there, I have had to forgive people who have hurt me and it is hard but it is the only way that I can feel free of it and feel at peace, because these memories never go away completely, they are there in the depths of my mind but I can be at peace with them and not be affected by them for me it’s just about having a personal understanding of them. To forgive is a strength not a weakness.

“I only feel happy when I am with the children...but I don’t feel love from anyone...my heart was a stone...from all the painful things in my life...it was too much from me...my first husband hit me and stabbed me but my second husband loved me...I just couldn’t love him back...but he was a good man but his parents didn’t like me because of my skin...they thought he should have married a black woman...”

This clip made me see myself, I used to be exactly like that too...My heart was a stone too, I used to have so much anger in me and I didn’t know how to truly let someone in...those were some difficult times for me and it took a lot of work to change, to not be afraid of opening up my heart to others but once I did my entire world transformed itself and I am grateful for all the experiences I have had because they are all bits of my journey that have shaped me into who I am right now.

“...if I see a person with the same problem I had...I have to go to that person and talk...I have helped many other women who are big just like me who have also been abandoned...I even asked my mother why she abandoned me...”

“A child is not a doll, a dog or a puppy...how can someone abandon a child? Or give away a child? Our children are supposed to take care of us when we get old...”

“...so many children have come out of this house...there are so many orphans here in khayelitsha...sometimes they just get thrown into the bush...even if I see a child in the streets...I am also a poor woman...i have nothing...whatever I have in my pot I will dish it up for the child...”

Everyone we meet is a reflection of ourselves, if we are open it becomes easy to see what it is that this person is supposed to teach us, I see everyone as my teacher and I say this all of the time but it's really true. I see everyone that I meet as an opportunity to open up even more, everyone has something of incredible value for us...all we have to do is be honest with ourselves and free enough to allow ourselves to feel through our hearts openly, to truly listen and pay attention to all the little things that are happening right in front of us. One of the big things I learned from Belinda is that when we can open our hearts to one another, openly, honestly and freely everything changes, our world begins to transform itself right before our eyes.

Most of my friends in Khayelitsha have had something happen to them, whether they have been attacked, shot at, brutally beaten or know someone who has, they move on, they are a perfect example to the world in saying yeah? So what? We all have shit happen to us every now and then it’s not something that we can dwell on, life moves on. It’s amazing; I love the strength of the people here. It’s rough here, I mean I don’t think it is but if you compare it to other places in the world it is, here you do have to worry about certain things, all places has its problems and this is no different but everyone who lives there truly loves it there, and they are proud of living there, they don’t feel sorry for themselves, they are an inspiration to us all.

Where are u born?

“I was born in east London...in the Eastern Cape...my mother abandoned me when I was 2 months...she gave me away...”

I was a slave

“I was a slave to them...if a child wants to change I must get her clothes to change her and if I don’t do that they will hit me...I was a slave to my sisters and brothers...they called me a slave...they are rich and have everything...they had all the education they needed...i didn’t have any...”

Family apartheid

“Coloureds stayed alone... blacks stayed alone... whites stayed alone...nothing affected me about the white apartheid...only my family apartheid...I had nobody”

My grandfather was white

“My great grandfather was a white man from Scotland...i have their photos at home...they have long blond hair...they have green eyes...”

Running Away

“When I was about 22 I ran away from home...they had made me stop school at grade 4...I worked the fields...they were looking for me...my aunt took me to Durban to get away...I got a job...I worked, worked, worked and got married...after we got married he started to abuse me...he stole my money...he was hitting me and stabbing me...”

My Second Husband Was a Good Man

“I met a man...he was a church man...he didn’t want to fall in love with me but he wanted to marry me...when you are poor and you have nothing and someone offers you something you can say yes...he wanted to take care of my children...He grew up all of my children...”

RIP Anthony

“...Anthony passed away when he was 18...my husband sent him to the shop...that time there were a lot of skolis...they were gangsters...they stabbed him and he died right away...he was a good boy...he was always on my side...”

So shocked when I went home

“....They all came to see me...They didn’t think I was going to survive...It was a good moment for me...Even my step mother asked me for forgiveness...”

If I Scream He Will Shoot Me

“...I work at an old-age home...called Serenity...it’s very good place...I just don’t get a lot of money...I was going to work that morning when on my way to the station...a man came in front of me...with his face covered...he held my hand and said if I don’t have money he must get something from me..he took out a gun...said to me let’s go...he took me into the bush and said to me if I scream he will shoot me...sometimes God is great you see...He was just a child”

Blood Was Everywhere

“...I met two guys this time, they also demanded money, I only have a train ticket and two rands, they took that and brought me to a spot where they rape people, there were two others girls there too...and they had all of us together, they started to kick me and they took out all of my front teeth...you see I don’t have any...blood was everywhere...we tried to fight back...They didn’t have guns...people came and helped us...I was in the hospital for weeks...”